Since I was a kid, I've always been able to sleep through anything.
Storms, sirens, you name it.
Last night, I didn't sleep.
I guess I get a little goofy when I'm nervous.
You see, today isn't just any other day.
It's my first day.
I'm the man.
And three years of pre-med and four years of med school and tons of unpaid loans that made me realise one thing...
Could you drop an NG tube on the patient in 234 and then call the attending at the lavage is positive ?
I don't know Jack.
So this is my story.
I'm supposed to be in intensive care.
Good, we just turfed him there.
Look, I became a doctor, because I wanna to help people,
but orientation yesterday
it didn't really focus on patient care.
The hospital doesn't wanna be sued.
Being sued is not a good thing.
Hey, Turk? What's up?
You know I'm totaly down with the rap music?
Dude, be whiter.
Chris Turk's my best friend.
We roomed together in college, we roomed together in med school.
Yea, we even got accepted by the same hospital.
Here's the thing. Tupac, DMX, Dr Dre,
in most of their songs, they use an extremely volatile racial slur.
The ''N'' word. I got it. Right.
My question is this: if we're both singing along,
and knowing that otherwise I'd never use the word,
am I allowed to say… No.
See, that's good for me to know. I didn't know that.
Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient.
Of course, if the patient is deceased, and you're sure,
you can feel free to tell him or her anything.
Hey, listen. I found us an apartment.
OK, gang, I'm Dr Bob Kelso, and I'm your Chief of Medicine,
so I just want to encourage you all to think of me as your safety net.
Because I promise you, we're a family here.
Now, then, go get 'em, doctors.
So, the surgical interns are gonna go grab a beer.
The medical interns are having a Pac-Man tournament.
Apparently, we're all twelve.
I love Pac-Man.
Me, too. I love watching it, I love playing it, I love all of it.
I'm Elliot. Ell-i-ot. Yea, Don't do that.
I'm JD. This is Turk.
Elli, are you medical or surgical?
So, every male in my family is a doctor. My dad, my grandad, my brother
I guess, that's why Dad gave me a guy's name, made me play sports, date girls. Joking.
I know. I would've laughed if you'd paused.
Anyway, I know what you're thinking.
Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging.
No, you don't. I'm probably Miss ''Hyper-Competitive.''
I mean, It used to be a big problem for me.
Used to. Past tense.
Hey, are we racing?
Please, I'm not that desperate.
So, you do a lot of cardio? Or… Oh, yes.
Elliot Reid? John Dorian? Great.
One, I am your resident, Dr Jeffrey Steadman. Not ''Jeff'.
Two, here are your manuals.
Have you ever notice, how quickly some people
make an impression?
I am a tool. I am a tool. I am a tool, tool, tool.
An unbelievably annoying tool. Yeah.
Yeah. Finally, these are your beepers.
From now on, they control your life.
Ok. Thanks. Move it.
Back to today.
I was aaa… I was paged. Oh, first day, Bambi? Yea.
Carla will take car of you.
Don't look at me when we're moving someone.
We're waiting for Dr Cox. Hi, doctor I am… Place an IV for me. We'll talk later.
Carla, can I ask you a personal question?
Do you spray the perfume on or you just fill your bathtub up with it at home and splash around in it?
I smell nice.
Come on, you've done this to cadavers before. So this gay is alive.
Just, poke it through his skin. Poke it through! Now!
Time's up. Carla, will you do it for him? I am also gonna need a ABG
Why are you telling her? Shut up and watch.
Be nice (…to Bambi.)